Master of Bargains
by TangerineShortcakes
Summary: Ivan is a...jack of all trades when it comes to bargains. Yao is just someone who wants  to be left alone. What will happen when poor little Yao makes a deal with this Master of Bargains? Rated for Yao's Lovi Langauge and future themes...?
1. The Cunning Deal

Hey guys, guess what? I'm alive! *shot* I'm sorry; I've been so busy with the German Project I have to do. I'm doing a report on Prussia, my teacher said that it was and I quote 'an awesome project.' It took all of my energy not to burst into laughter XD. Anyway, here's another Rochu thing that took up half of my energy to think up, so you better enjoy it.

**Disclaimer: Let's face it, the only thing related to Hetalia that I will ever own are my journals, action figures, and Spamano pillow.**

**..FOREVER.:.**

Ivan is what you would say…a master of deals. He could scam any person with few words passing from his lips. He could get even the most stubborn people into an agreement with him. He could con even the smartest thing on earth, and still get away with it. He was a con artist, bargain hog, any name you think of. Yet, he couldn't convince on Chinese man to go on a date with him. Why? Because that Chinese man thought he had gone off his rocker, that's why. Every day, he would walk in with a dozen sunflowers and ask:

"Does Yao-Yao want to go on a date with me now?"

"My answer is still no, aru."

"Why won't you go on one teeny date with me, Jao? Kolkolkolkol…" he would mutter in his thick Russian accent.

"Because you're crazy, aru! You nearly killed my brother!"

"He deserved it for refusing to tell me your phone number." He said with a creepy, child-like smile.

"You still found it out anyway, aru." Yao said, sweat dropping.

Ivan was starting to get annoyed. This was the only person in the whole universe that he ever liked, and he thought he was a wack-job! Oh wait, everyone thought that. Ivan kept trying to persuade Yao to go on that teeny-tiny little date, but was met by a thick, rich mahogany door. Defeated, Ivan sulked back home, only to be met by his insane younger sister.

"Brother Ivan, where were you? Why would you leave me with Miss brain in her boobs; that stupid big sister of ours was driving me insane!"

"Ah, Natalia…I was…making a sale."

"To that idiotic Chinese man?"

"Eh, how did you know it was Yao?"

"I have connections, big brother. Now, marry me, marry me, marry me, MARRY ME." Natalia said with a menacing voice.

"Go away!" Ivan screamed, running away from the fair young lady.

"BROTHER IVAN, YOU CAN'T RUN FOREVER! AND WHEN I FIND YOU, WE WILL BE TOGETHER FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY! IT IS OUR DESTINY TO BECOME ONE!" Natalia shouted, knife in hand.

Ivan ran into his room, and did all in his power to stop the vulture-like woman to burst into it. He triple locked the doors, barricaded the entrance with random furniture, and made himself a fort with the furniture he had left. Satisfied, he wrapped himself in blankets and drifted off to sleep.

He woke up to hear a voice. "Ivan!" the voice called to him. Wait, when did this meadow get here…? Discarding the thought, the Russian man turned to see a very joyous Yao running towards him.

"Yao!" Ivan said in an equally happy voice. He stretched out his arms, inviting the smaller man into his them. Yao happily obliged and sent a flurry of small pecks to Ivan's cheeks.

"I've missed you, Ivan!"

"I've missed you too, little Yao."

Yao suddenly changed his expression. It was like a random mood change. His eyes drained out their loving gleam, and were filled to the brim with lust.

"I missed you so much, Ivan. I don't think I can contain myself for very long." Yao looked at the obviously taller man with that certain look of need in his eyes.

"Naughty Yao, we haven't even had our first kiss!"

"But I need you right now, the heat is unbearable!" Yao pressed himself against Ivan as closely as possible, panting with need and want.

"Please, Ivan; I need you. "

"Yao." Ivan replied with as much want in his lovely violet eyes. He reached to grab the other man's behind, but that's when he finally woke up from his lewd dream. Ivan felt heat coming to his face. Never once has he dreamed about his little Yao-Yao like that! Ivan flushed an even darker shade of red in embarrassment.

"Yao-Yao." He groaned, pretending that he was actually annoyed with him.

"Big brother, why do you keep saying that accursed man's name?" Natalia screeched through the thicket of wood and metal blocking her from her from her prize. Ivan jumped a bit, fear etched in his eyes.

"Go away, Natalia; your services are not needed!" Ivan blurted out randomly, hoping that would ward off the evil spirit lurking outside his door. Natalia still scratched against the door, whispering for him to "come out and play~". The platinum-haired Russian looked for any possible escape routes, and found a window.

"What luck, is this one of those 'spur-of-the-moment' things that pig, Alfred was talking about?" he asked no one. Shrugging, he looked out and found that it wasn't a hard jump down.

"What a miracle!" he thought as he snuck to Yao's house. He knocked on the rich door to reveal Yao's brother, Kiku.

"Hello Ivan-san, what brings you here?" Kiku avoided the towering man's eyes. He was still sore from when he tried to kill him with a sink faucet!

"I'm here to see Yao, please." Ivan said politely. "Unless…you refuse to do me that service as well? Kolkolkolkol…."

"Oh no, that would be rude of me! He's right in the kitchen." Kiku said frantically.

"Спасибо вам большое!" He said in his native tongue. He was led to the beauty that awaited him, but said beauty didn't take notice of him. Ivan took this advantage to slip his arms around the small Asian and rest his head his shoulders. Yao immediately stiffened.

"什麼他媽的，勇洙？我告訴你，我喜歡說，阿魯不潛行!"

Ivan was taken aback by the sudden wooden spoon that met his forehead.

"Ow, what did you do that for?"

"Oh, it's you, aru."

"да, it is me. Who did you think it was?"

"I thought you were my little brother, Yong-Soo. Speaking nothing of that topic, what are you doing here?"

"I have a deal for you."

Yao looked skeptically at the man with the toxin eyes.

"What deal, aru?"

"If you go out on a couple dates with me, I'll leave you alone. The catch is, if you fail to completely finish those dates with me; you'll stay in my house as my cute little servant."

Yao looked at the man, disgusted. He was about to turn his offer down, but realized:

"If I just go out on practically 2 dates, I'm freed from him forever!"

"You've got yourself a deal, aru."

They shook hands while looking into each other's eyes. Yao's eyes were filled with a will to win, determination. Ivan's lilac eyes were filled with a very predatory look, lust. Yao faltered for a moment, what was the tall man going to do to him?

..FOREVER.:.

**And…I'll leave you there. I plan to continue with this story, no matter how painful it gets! Now if you'll excuse me, it's 8:40 A.M and I still haven't gone to sleep yet. Asta La Pasta my lovelies-…*too tired to ride away on a unipony***

**Translations:**

**Спасибо вам большое!" – Thank You very much!**

"**什麼他媽的，勇洙？我告訴你，我喜歡****說，阿魯不潛行****!"- What the fuck, Yong Soo? I told you not to sneak up on me, aru!**

**Да-Yes**


	2. Naked Belarusians and Burnt Cooking

A/N: _I'm went back to school yesterday…that sucks TT^TT_

**Disclaimer: No matter how many times I try, I'm never going to own Hetalia.**

**..FOREVER.:.**

Yao never felt as terrified in his entire life as he was now. The tall Russian acknowledged as Ivan was closing in on him; he had to do something, and quickly too! He remembered the wooden spoon in his hand, and whacked Ivan once again on the forehead.

"Yao-Yao, why did you do that again?" he asked, rubbing his sore forehead.

"I may have agreed to go on a date with you, but that doesn't mean I'll enjoy them, aru!"

"Yao-Yao-"

"And stop calling me that ridiculous nickname, aru!"

"Are you trying to say that you don't like me?"

Yao froze; what was he _supposed _to tell him? Did he want him to say that he likes him and wants to have sex with him while riding a unicorn?

"Yao doesn't like me?"

"Don't ask ridiculous questions, aru!"

Ivan cracked into a smile and started hugging the small Chinese man. "Yay, I knew Yao-Yao liked me!"

"Let go of me, aru!"

"But if I do, you'll leave me!"

"Don't be ridiculous, aru! Why would I leave you alone in my house?" Yao tried to pull out of Ivan's grasp half-heartedly.

"I'm too old for this, aru." He mumbled, trying to get back to cooking. That stupid Russian that was clinging to him didn't look like he was going to leave any time soon, and he didn't wasn't to seem rude…

"Would you like to stay for dinner, aru?"

"да." The other said quite happily.

"Okay, can you please get the dishes out of that cupboard, aru?" he asked, nodding his head in the direction of said cupboard.

"Okay, shall I set them too?"

"Oh, I can do that myself, aru. Make yourself at home."

He realized that he forgot to call Alfred about that meeting he was having with him.

"I guess I could make one quick call…" he trailed off. He walked over to the phone and dialed his number.

"Yo, Alfred speaking." a heavy, panting voice said.

"It me, aru." He responded.

"Oh, hey dude! Could you call back later? I'm kind of busy."

Yao thought he heard a muffled 'Get off the phone, you git,' through the receiver.

"Oh yes, of course aru. And by the way, if you're going to have sex, just don't pick up the phone, aru."

"Wha-"  
>Yao hung up with a snicker. He felt a bit of pride within himself; that stupid American deserved it didn't he?<p>

"Who were you calling, my little sunflower?" Ivan asked, showing up out of nowhere.

"Aiyah! Don't scare me like that, Ivan!"

"Aw, but Yao-Yao's face is so cute when he makes a scared expression! Kolkolkol…"

"Stop speaking, aru, it's too embarrassing!

"I just want to know who you called, Jao~" Ivan whined.

"Aiyah, if you want to know so badly, it was Alfred. I called at the wrong time, aru."

"Why were you calling that pig, my little Yao-Yao? Would you rather have him as a boyfriend instead of me? Kolkolkol…" The air just got a whole lot cooler, or so Yao thought.

"We had business we had to take care of, aru. And besides, he's having sex with Arthur as we speak; it's disgusting, aru."

"Does Yao-Yao want to have sex with me?"

"Absolutely not, aru!"

Honestly, what was it with people and sex? Just as Yao was going to scold the Russian, he heard someone crash through one of his windows.

"BIG BROTHER, IF YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ME, I AM WILLING TO GIVE MY BODY TO YOU!"

Ivan stiffened, and hid behind Yao.

"Don't let her find me! If you have any ounce of positive feeling towards me, Не давайте ей найти меня!"

Yao just stood in shock,

'What the hell am going to do now, aru?' he asked himself. Yao stiffened much like Ivan did to find a naked Belarusian running towards him.

"LET GO OF MY BIG BROTHER, YOU FIEND!"

"What?"

He dodged as she tried to slash him with a knife that came out of practically thin air.

"Aiyah, what are you doing aru?"

"SAVING MY BIG BROTHER, THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING!"

He dodged slash after slash, hoping not to get killed. As he was maneuvering the snatch of the blade, he somehow got a cut on his arm. It caused Yao to scream in great pain as a scarlet liquid from his deep wound gushed out. Ivan decided it was the best time in the world to take action, so he grabbed the young girl he called his sister, and lied.

"If you leave now, I will give you a 'special' surprise when I get home!"

"Whatever you say, my glorious brother!" she whipped her clothing back on, and headed through the window she came through, though Yao didn't understand why she couldn't just use the door.

"Yao, are you hurt?"

"Um, it's just a little cut, aru. It's nothing to worry about."

"Yao, she did this? I'm sorry; I'm really sorry, Мне так жаль!"

"I-its fine, aru-"

"No it's not, you're gushing blood, and not in a good way!"

"Not in a good way…?"

"Do you have any bandages, anything?"

"Yeah, there's some on my nightstand but-"

"I'll be right back!"

Yao looked in confusion. What just happened? He suddenly jumped as he heard the fire alarm go off.

"The food, it's burning!"

Yao quickly extinguished the flames with his good arm.

"Aw, I burned a perfectly good stir-fry, aru!" He growled in anger. "I guess we are having leftovers again, aru."

Ivan returned with the bandages.

"Sit down, Jao. I'll wrap your cut up!"

The young-looking Chinese man sat down obediently as his mind began to wander.

'Was he always this generous, aru? He can't be; he cons people 5 times a day! Yet…why is he so nice tome aru? Does he lo-'

"All done!"

"Oh, thank you, aru." Yao blushed.

"Aw, we haven't even had our first date yet, and Yao's already falling for me~"

"I'm doing no such thing, aru!"

..FOREVER.:.

_I sure mentioned sex a lot in this chapter, and I'm a virgin XD. Heck, I'm barely a teenager. Ah well…I'm tired, but I have homework to do. Hasta La Pasta my lovelies!~~~~~~~~ *shot*_


	3. Okay, Fine Aru!

_Okay, after my whole "Imma stall 'cause I'm too lazy" hurr durr moment…here you go :D. This is slightly shorter than the second chapter…I think…Also to silverrox12, I'm nearly finished your request, I just need a day or two more._

..FOREVER.:.

Yao faced away from the tall Russian man. "You're more of an idiot than I thought; to think that I'm falling for you, aru, ha!"

"But Yao-Yao does like me; the blush on your face proves it!" Ivan poked at the cherry red cheeks. His ever-present smile was grinning as widely as ever.

"Stop it, aru!" the Chinese man flailed, despite his injured arm.

"But your cheeks are so chubby, just like a ponchiki!"

"That is not an excuse, aru!"

He crossed his arms over his chest, huffing.

"Did I make Yao-Yao mad?" Ivan tried to keep from snickering.

"Stop calling me that for the last time, aru!" he yelled at the taller man.

"Hm…I don't know, Yao-Yao~ don't couples call each other nicknames?"

Yao turned beet red, a look of utter shock appeared on his face.

"Aniki, Aniki! You're dating that creepy Russian dude?" a voice shouted from upstairs.

"Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no." Yao muttered, digging his face into his hands.

"I WILL NOT ALLOW ANIKI TO DATE SUCH A DANGEROUS MAN!" the voice shouted once more.

Ivan uttered an almost silent 'kol~' as feet thundered down the steps to reveal none other than Yao's younger brother, Yong Soo.

"You, step away from my aniki!" Yong Soo pointed his hand towards Ivan.

"Kolkolkol, you really have no right to say that, do you?" the Russian just smiled.

"Yes I do, his breasts are mine!" He shouted back like a flustered bird.

"Yao belongs to me, да? We made a bet didn't we, Yao-Yao?" Ivan placed a gloved hand on Yao's shoulder.

"Well-" the Chinese man began.

"How could you, Aniki?" Yong Soo's eyes fogged up.

"It's just-"

"Yao-Yao is mine, yes?"

"No, Aniki's mine!"

"I am not an object; I do not belong to anyone! Yong Soo, go back upstairs, aru! And for your information, we are NOT dating!" Yao shot Ivan a dirty look along with that statement.

"But Aniki-"

"Now, aru."

Yong Soo sulked and trudged upstairs with a depressed air around him.

"Don't sulk, aru! You'll hurt your back!" Yao nagged up to the Korean boy.

Yong Soo just kept on walking, until he was out of sight.

"Now how to deal with you, aru…" Yao mumbled, eyeing Ivan angrily.

"Doesn't Yao-Yao want me over for dinner?" Ivan towered over the small Chinese man.

"After that display, absolutely not, aru!" he huffed, turning towards the kitchen. He tried to pick through the refrigerator for something edible to eat, despite the burning sensation in his arm.

"I dub this as a date, so you'll have to complete it with me, or you'll be in a cute little maid's dress~" Ivan walked over to Yao, and put his arms around his waist. He slowly licked the shell of Yao's ear. Yao stiffened and whacked Ivan over the head with a box of meat buns, which caused him to release the frail-looking Asian man.

"How indecent, aru!" Yao huffed. "You're such a pervert, aru!"

"Stop whacking me over the head, Yao-Yao; that wasn't very nice~ I might lose some brain cells, and we wouldn't want that would we?" Ivan gave him a predatory look.

"Stop acting so vulgar and maybe you'll keep some of those brain cells, aru!" Yao shot back.

"Hm…that's not an option, Мало подсолнечник. After all, there is no such thing as compromise in Russia."

"We're not in Russia though, so just tough it out, aru!"

Ivan just giggled almost too happily.

"I can fix that soon enough, Мало Яо~"

"If you dare kidnap me, I will tell Natalia about where you hide from her."

Ivan immediately took at least ten steps away from Yao. "Okay, okay. I will not take you, but you _will_ go on this date with me."

"Fine, aru."

"So, what's for dinner?"

"That is none of your business, aru."

"But how do I know you're not going to poison me with some food I'm allergic to?"

"I may hate you, but I can't kill someone."

"Hm…how do I know you're not lying?"

"People may say you're clever, but I think you're just paranoid, aru."

Ivan's face fell. "You don't think I'm clever, Yao-Yao?" His bottom lip quivered.

"No, now be quiet and stop acting like a child, aru."

Ivan's face darkened. "Yao-Yao can't tell me what to do, now can he?"

"Sure I can aru. Now stay quiet before I smack you with a wok."

"Yao-Yao can't tell me what to do~" Ivan whispered huskily in Yao's ear, Yao shivered.

"S-Shut up and sit b-back down a-aru!"

"Yao's voice is so demanding, it's just so cute~ it's like you can actually tell me what's what. But where I come from, the stronger ones always win."

Yao felt something poke up against his thigh, and he stiffened. "I-Ivan, if you dare-"

"So what, I'm going to Hell anyway for loving you so much~" Ivan put his arms around Yao's waist.

"Why not enjoy my time while it lasts?"

"I-Ivan, you realize that I do not want this, right aru?"

"But you will, and I dub this as a part of our date; you cannot back out of it." Ivan slowly ran his arms up Yao's shirt.

"I-Ivan-"

"Shhh- It will be alright Yao-Yao, everything is just fine~"

"N-No-"

Ivan slowly led Yao to the bedroom, and pushed Yao down on the bed. "Ivan, d-don't do this, I beg of you!"

"Hm…I don't know…you're just so cute, I don't think I can control myself~"

Yao tried to scramble out of the room, but Ivan quickly blocked him. His amethyst eyes were full of lust as he licked his lips. He was eyeing Yao up and down, settling on Yao's nether regions. Yao followed his gaze, and blushed two-million shades of red.

"You…you're a filthy, stupid monster of a man; to think that I will fall for you in these conditions! You're disgusting, aru!"

Ivan quickly withdrew from the statement. "Y-Yao-Yao?"

"Don't look at me, aru!" The Asian man barked. Ivan let out a silent 'kol'.

"Yao-Yao is so cute when he acts like this~"

"And yet you still persist, aru!"

"But I can't help that Yao-Yao is too adorable!"

"Why do you even try anymore, aru? Why would you think I would ever love a man about to rape me?"

"Well-"

"Just get out, aru."

Ivan blinked a few times, and asked, "What?"

"Leave me alone, aru."

"But the be-"

"I don't give a damn about the bet, aru. Get out of my house."

"But, Yao-"

"Now."

Ivan slowly walked out of the house, looking back over his shoulder, half expecting Yao to be there, but he wasn't. He was alone.


	4. Little Russian Doll

Yay, I'm so slow at uploading~ Reviews are love 3

..FOREVER.:.

Yao certainly had to admit, Ivan's house was a mansion. The ominous building loomed over the small Chinese man like a monster. "More places to hide from Natalia." Yao snorted at his own joke. The Russian man besides him pushed the screeching iron gates open, smiling back at Yao.

"Come in, Yao-Yao~ you'll certainly like it here~"

Yao shivered at the tone of voice his supposed new 'boss'. His voice practically dripped with the sweetness of a child mixed with cruelty of a mass murderer. He led the small man to a large room. The room lay dull and unattractive. It held boring gray walls, an old wooden floor, a bed stand, and a double bed. "This is my room; you'll be sleeping with me." Ivan said softly, childlike. It was as if Yao was a precious doll that would break at the roughness of his voice. Yao wandered around the room, slightly afraid. 'What if…will he…what can I…' those thoughts floated off into the back of his mind. He turned around to face the Russian, annoyance visible on his porcelain face.

"You should really do some redecorating in here, aru. This is completely dull. You're rich, aren't you? Liven this up a bit, aru."

Ivan tensed up as if he was afraid of the elder's words.

"Sorry." That is all he muttered. He seemed depressed somehow, no. He was not depressed, but disappointed. 'But why?' Yao asked himself.

"Don't be a child, aru. It's not too much of a deal if I told you something like that. Act your age, aru."

Ivan muttered something under his breath and took a step towards Yao. "Come with me for a second, Yao."

Yao slowly and uncertainly followed the Russian, unsure of the actions he may portray soon. Ivan was headed towards the back of the house, outside. He pushed open the door for the young-looking Chinese man. He took ahold of the smaller's hand and led him to a bench. This bench was old and creaky and chipping off paint, but…it was in the middle of something so incredible. It stretched for miles and miles with seemingly no end to it. Ivan sat upon the bench and took Yao with him. Yao didn't understand anything at the moment. Why was he so serious all of a sudden? Why wasn't acting normal? It happened so quickly, so unpredictable.

"Yao, can I ask you something?"

Yao cast a sideways glance towards the Russian warily.

"What is it, aru?"

"Are you going to leave me, like everyone else?"

Yao felt numbness creep into his body, and sweat began to build up on the back of his neck.

"O-of course not, I'm-I'm not e-e-everyone else, aru." Yao scratched his nose clumsily as he stuttered, hopefully not turning on Ivan's seductive-sadistic mode.

"You're lying, I can tell. You'll leave me just like everybody else did. Even my family, save Natalia, did."

Yao sighed exasperatedly. "I'm your little slave now, aren't I? I made a deal with you, and I lost. I have to stay here for the heavens know how long. You honestly think I feel pity for you? Well, I don't. You tried to rape me before, so I quite honestly have no feelings of remorse for you anymore, aru. You're also a grown man, you can handle things without me. Besides, who knows how long I will stay here until you toss me away like an old doll for a brand new one for you to play with, aru? And furthermore-"

A large sound was reverberating through the field. A sound of skin colliding with skin, a sound of a hand slapping the young Chinese man's face. Ivan stood over Yao, tears dripping down from his face, into the other's lap. Ivan instantly regretted what he did. Yet, he could not move. Yao's face twisted into one of fury as he shot up from the bench, and marched down the path, away from Ivan.

"Y-Yao, wait!"

He just kept on walking, ignoring the other's orders.

"Yao, as your master, I command you to come here!" Ivan said shakily.

The older male begrudgingly turned his body around and slowly trotted towards Ivan, a scowl visible on his usually flawless features. Ivan embraced Yao, kissing the top of his head. He muttered multiple apologies in the smaller man's hair. Crying silent tears once again, so afraid of being left alone again. Yao, however, felt blank. After this man tried to hurt him so many times, he didn't care what the Russian did to him anymore.

"I'm so, so sorry, Yao. I swear, I won't do it again. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Do what you want, aru. I don't care."

Ivan pulled away from the embrace to gaze into Yao's honey eyes, but only saw a blank stare. It wasn't the Yao he loved, the Yao that was so full of emotion. The Yao that he has broken, only because of those two little things he did to him. The Yao that he wanted for so long was gone, but he wasn't going to give him up, nothing like that. He was going to get his precious sunflower back.

..FOREVER.:.

_I honestly don't really care about this chapter…I suck at writing stories with no idea where I'm going with the plot. Also, Yao was kinda heartless, wasn't he? IDK, it's really fun writing him like this. Excuse for not uploading: I'm in Literary Club, and I have a couple great ideas. With those stories, I'm on a roll~ Okay, I'm done. I'm going to write my precious story, __The Short Life of Fiora Hembring_._ Shameless advertisement for something I might upload soon XD._


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